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|Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
||You ski uphill.
||You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
||You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the
||You answer the door before people knock.
||You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
||You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
||You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
||You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the
||You lick your coffeepot clean.
||You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
||You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't
even work there.
||The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
||Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
||Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
||You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
||You can jump-start your car without cables.
||Cocaine is a downer.
||All your kids are named "Joe."
||Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
||You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
||You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not
||You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
||When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up.
Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
||The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
||Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
||Instant coffee takes too long.
||When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the
||You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a
||You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
||You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
||You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
||You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
||You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
||You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
||You don't tan, you roast.
||You don't get mad, you get steamed.
||Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after.
||Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to
get you in the mood.
||Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
||You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
||You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
||Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
||Your urine stream bores a hole in the toilet.
||You have two complete orgasms while brushing your teeth.
||You plow under your marijuana crop to plant coffee trees.
||You talk so fast your tongue has windburn.
||You jog to work and arrive yesterday.
||Your farts smell like espresso
||Your eyes are brown...even the white parts.
||You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of
||Your espresso smells like farts.
||Your skin is blacker than Bill Cosby's, and you're caucasian.
||Your hearburn ignites brush fires.
||Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
||You bungee jump and go UP.
||Your coffee breath etches glass.
||You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, "Hurry
||You use coffee beans as suppositories.
||Your coffee cup is visible from the Space Shuttle.
||You spend the weekend cross-country skiing....and cross the country!
||You think skydiving is just too damned slow.|