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 | Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
| You ski uphill.
| You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
| You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the
sack."
| You answer the door before people knock.
| You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
| You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
| You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
| You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the
timer.
| You lick your coffeepot clean.
| You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
| You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't
even work there.
| The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
| Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
| Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
| You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
| You can jump-start your car without cables.
| Cocaine is a downer.
| All your kids are named "Joe."
| Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
| You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
| You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not
plugged in.
| You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
| When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up.
Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
| The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
| Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
| Instant coffee takes too long.
| When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the
last drop."
| You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a
coffee can
| You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
| You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
| You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
| You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
| You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
| You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
| You don't tan, you roast.
| You don't get mad, you get steamed.
| Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after.
| Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to
get you in the mood.
| Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
| You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
| You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
| Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
| Your urine stream bores a hole in the toilet.
| You have two complete orgasms while brushing your teeth.
| You plow under your marijuana crop to plant coffee trees.
| You talk so fast your tongue has windburn.
| You jog to work and arrive yesterday.
| Your farts smell like espresso
| Your eyes are brown...even the white parts.
| You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of
Brazil.
| Your espresso smells like farts.
| Your skin is blacker than Bill Cosby's, and you're caucasian.
| Your hearburn ignites brush fires.
| Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
| You bungee jump and go UP.
| Your coffee breath etches glass.
| You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, "Hurry
UP!!!"
| You use coffee beans as suppositories.
| Your coffee cup is visible from the Space Shuttle.
| You spend the weekend cross-country skiing....and cross the country!
| You think skydiving is just too damned slow. | |