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 | "You could do worse."
| "I'll work so hard you won't even know I'm there."
| "I'll need all my paid vacation time up front so I'll be rested when
I start."
| "You can't turn me down because I smell bad. You have to have a
reason."
| "If you call the people I listed as references, please call my parole
officer last."
| "That big thing growing on my face isn't my fault."
| "I don't do drugs at work any more. And I probably won't"
| "I can go all day without peeing once."
| "If you hired my dumbass brother then you can surely hire me."
| "I've got lots of experience I'll be getting on this job if you hire
me."
| "If you hire me I promise not to say anything about the interviewer's
wicked bad breath."
| "I won't sue you when you fire me."
| "My arrest record is all a bunch of lies."
| "The sticky stuff on my hands isn't what you think."
| "Don't call that bitch I used to work for."
| "Iff you kin reed my handriting, ain't that gud enuff fer me to get
the job?
| "I was a sniper in the Army."
| "I pack my lunch in a diaper pail."
| "The only reason my grades in High School was so bad was because all
the teachers thought I was stupid because I didn't pass the tests. They
wasn't being fair to me because they don't like me."
| "I pack my diapers in a lunch pail."
| "I can make explosives from Windex, white-out, and copy machine
toner."
| "If you hire me you can blow your nose on my sleeve any time you want
to."
| "I'll need a company car and a driver because I can't legally drive
anywhere in the Western Hemisphere except Cuba and it sucks to go
there."
| "If you hire me don't tell the Welfare until I get my Jeep paid
off."
| "The sticky stuff on my sleeve isn't what you think."
| "You don't have the BALLS to hire someone like me!"
| "If you hire me I will show up. That's all I can promise for sure,
but maybe it will be better than that and I will sure try."
| "When do we eat?"
| "How long do I have to work here before I can collect unemployment
again?"
| "Don't go checking into my record, but if you do, she swore she was
18."
| "I don't hear the voices anymore. Do not. Do not. Do not. SHUT
UP!!!"
| "If you give me a job you're OK but if you don't you suck."
| "I don't DO applications."
| "If I work here I'll wear the stupid uniform as long as I can wear
any kind of underwear I want."
| "That sticky stuff in my chair isn't what you think."
| "This will be my first job since the Beatles broke up because they
really pissed me off!"
| "I won't have to do anything, will I"
| "If I get sick on the job, will I have to clean up my own puke?"
| "Can I bring my goat to the company daycare center?"
| "I collect guns. You probably want to tell me that I got the job now,
right?"
| "I'm not what? Oh yeah? Well here's what you can do with your friggin'
job..." | |