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Murphy's Laws Of Work

  
1. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the pants.

2. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

5. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
   happen to you the rest of the day.

6. Never ask two questions in a business letter.  The reply will discuss the
   one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

7. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
   about themselves.

8. If at first you don't succeed, try again.  Then quit.  No use being a
   damn fool about it.

9. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the
   boss asks for a ride home from the office.

10. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there
    would be so many.

11. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. 

12. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

13. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

14. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

15. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
    supposed to be doing.

16. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the
    mail.

17. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible
    for everything that goes wrong

18. Until the next person quits or is fired.

19. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is
    always enough time to do it over.

20. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
    (For instance, The Murphy Centre for Codification of Human and
    Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T...).

21. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.  If you are really
    good, you will get out of it.

22. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
    desk.

23. People are always available for work in the past tense.

24. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

25. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
    number of pens that person is carrying.

26. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

27. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

28. No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

29. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
    reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

30. The longer the title, the less important the job.

31. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman
    arrives.

32. An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist
    to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

33. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

34. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.

35. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

36. The first 90% of project takes 90% of the  time,  the  last
    10% takes the other 90% of the time.

37. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work
    nights.
    
38. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say
    you've done and what you're going to do.

39. After any  salary raise, you will have less money at the end of
    the month than you did before.

40. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

41. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to
    the number of pens that person is carrying.

42. Following the rules will not get the job done.

43. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.